notmypresident: (Joan sad)
My efforts to re-establish my friendship with Brad & Jerry seem to have reached an impasse. I managed to get Jerry (the older of the two) on the phone last Sunday, and we spent a good deal of time catching up. Jerry was always the reasonable guy, the one people would rely on to spearhead things. The Voice of Reason, I guess you would say. Jerry gave me Brad's personal number, and I told him that I would try again later in the week to speak with him.

But it appears that Brad isn't interested in talking to me. I've left two voice messages, and I've received no callback. I won't try again, as two attempts seems to be reasonable despite no results while three attempts with nothing to show for it seems kind of desperate.

This has upset me more than I anticipated. I think my expectations were raised after my talk with Jerry; if he had no problem reconnecting with me, then surely Brad wouldn't either. Sadly, that appears not to have been the case. I've been telling myself that starting up our friendship again was a long-shot to begin with. I simply let too much time go by before making the attempt. I suppose there's a reason why Brad might not have returned my messages, but my gut instinct is that he simply doesn't want to. I plan on making a private call to Jerry after the holiday to let him know what's happened and to see if he'd object to my occasionally staying in touch. I certainly don't want there to be any friction between them on my account.

Now for Another Hot Guy.

notmypresident: (Countdown)
Quite by accident, last night I stumbled across the PBS premiere of "Desert Migration," a short documentary on men living with AIDS in Palm Springs, California.

To say that I had problems with the film is putting it mildly. While I don't contest that every AIDS survivor has a story to tell, the fact that "Desert Migration" chose a small group of affluent Gay men living in a desert oasis and talking about their "struggles" left me feeling a bit cold. It's one thing to discuss how AIDS has devastated your life but it's quite another to have documentary cameras filming you in your posh condo as you type away on the latest Macintosh computer with your iPod resting close by.

I should probably state that my own personal prejudice against muscle bears also came into play here. It takes time — and more importantly, money (gym memberships ain't cheap, honey) — to develop some of the physiques that were on display in "Desert Migration." I just can't work up my empathy for guys who have "spent thousands" on surgeries and implants and gym workouts to combat the look of AIDS, even as they talk about the irony of potentially losing government benefits because they now appear so healthy.

To be fair, there were several interviews of folks less fortunate in life — one of whom died before the film was released, though "Desert Migration" fails to address the apparent suicide. The sole African-American interviewed even talks about how his minimum-wage job negates any government help such that he's often left with only a handful of money between paychecks. I was drawn into these stories much more than those belonging to the men with "several" Palm Springs properties.

By the end of the program, I began to see a kind of parallel of these stories with my own. I may be HIV-, but with my kidney failures, I'm living on borrowed time as well. Many of the men talk about how depression is a constant element in their lives, but that the ones who can put it in check are the ones that survive. Indeed, the man who didn't live to see the project completed openly talked about his own depression and how it consumed him. That's something I need to work on.

So after last night, I decided to make July the start of my "reboot." I checked out Nutrisystem last night to see if I could start losing weight. It's still a bit too expensive for me right now as I continue to pay off NYC and the new TV, but I do plan on going through with it in August for at least two months. I managed to crawl onto the treadmill this morning for the first time since NYC, and I did better than I thought I would (though I have a looooong way to go). I'm not going to be deterred by unrealistic goals. Instead, I'm just going to do the best I can for as long as I can and hope that results can be achieved.

Now for Another Hot Guy.